Category Archives: Ranting

TLC 2014 Sucked and You Know It: A DiZ Review

It’s no secret that I can’t stand Cleveland.  I can’t stand Cleveland as a city, as a concept; the sports teams there make me vomit, the local politics are mad corrupt, the police force is more corrupt than other places in the United States; I actively fear for the souls of my family and friends in and near the city.  To this day I say that only four good things can be associated with Cleveland:

  1. Drew Carey
  2. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
  3. Halle Berry
  4. The ability to leave

So in that regard, maybe, JUST MAYBE, I’m sadistically pleased that such a crap PPV took place in Cleveland.  It’s exactly what the crap city deserves, and this is incredible because it was working in the shadow of the mindblowingly wonderful NXT event on Thursday.  Rumors were that the Raw and Smackdown talent were looking to step up after that brilliance that was REvolution, but I’m somewhat torn to say that I can count on one hand the guys that actually did, and to be fair, they were the cats that came from NXT anyway.

But this isn’t about me just up and bashing the PPV in a long post.  That’s what pages are for!  Let’s get started, because today I utilize a new system of grading: the Jermaine-o-meter!


Royal Rumble 2014 & The Fallout

WWE Royal Rumble Winners ('88-'13)Consider a silence broken! The Rt. Rev. Showtime is back on the L.E.W.D. Radar after a long…and I mean LONG hiatus!

Before I fill this post with reasons and excuses, I invite you to listen to my thoughts on the 2014 edition of the Royal Rumble as well as the prospect of the upcoming WrestleMania XXX.

Feel free to post your thoughts and reactions in the comment section below.

Just A Thought: The WWE and TNA Heavyweight Title Situations

It has been said that a picture is worth one thousand words.  Seeing as I really can’t wrap my thinking around my frustration with the heavyweight title scene in either TNA or WWE at this moment, I figured it’d be better to at least set the stage using pictures instead of words.

Shout out to Mr. Christopher Lamb for inspiring the follow simple, easy-to-understand graphics.  Disclaimer: HOWEVER you feel about either wrestling promotion—good, bad, or indifferent—please do not enter into ANY conversation regarding their storylines regarding their own heavyweight championships without EXPLICITLY highlighting the following points:


Lead Me to the Rock that is Higher than I: Cena, Punk and Dwayne

My memories of the infamous Attitude era of the WWE (then WWF) are lacking.  I can remember the bigger things: I remember Brian Pillman (RIP), the sexual overtones, Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels’ major feud, ‘Taker and Michaels’ equally significant feud, Tyson, and of course the face of the era himself: Stone Cold Steve Austin.

I suppose you can group the era into seven major factors (hyperbole, but for the sake of this piece we’ll use seven): the rises of Stone Cold and The Rock, the Ministry of Darkness, the Brothers of Destruction, Degeneration-X, the rise of the many faces of Foley and the long-standing war between Austin and McMahon.  Up until recently I was looking for a missing link between what I was attempting to write a little while back and what I’ve been trying to scribe here for what seems like several weeks.  That link comes from the Attitude era.  It comes from the feud between Vince McMahon and Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Looking at the return of The Rock, I can’t help but immediately return to the why of his return in the first place.  His irregular forays into professional wrestling/sports entertainment have been to put someone over on the entertainment side and to bring in reasonable financial gain on the business side.  At this point it’s fair to say that he’s more a Hollywood mainstay (which is pushing it a little in my tastes) than a special guest Superstar.  Skipping ahead a bit it functions as the reason I’m not for him winning the WWE Championship at the Rumble; he’d fall under the same category of people that Punk criticized recently, i.e. Bob Backlund.  Kayfabe, to be sure, but I find it to be an interesting deal.  In any case, Dwayne Johnson’s latest foray back revolves around his gripes with the bastard son of Kamino engineering and Kal-El himself, John Cena. 

Some might say that that isn’t true.  It is.  And you may not realize it, but you’re likely wrong if you disagree.  I’m talking to YOU, Adrian.  Everything about The Rock’s latest romp has, in some capacity, revolved around John Cena, whether shameless talking about how much he doesn’t like him, to misinterpreting colonial American history and polluting sources of water AGAIN by throwing in Cena merchandise, to mysteriously shutting up after his Wrestlemania victory.  Remember, he was relatively quiet after that until CM Punk began to run his mouth more and more heel-ishly.  The announcement was made that he would have a WWE Championship match at the Rumble and I don’t think I can invoke my reaction any better than this here.  Mostly because it made no sense.  Secondly because it was an almost perfect set-up for Once in a Lifetime… Again.  Which cheapens a good match from a good PPV.  That’s the exposition; now let’s get into the sexy elaboration.

With Royal Rumble, Elimination Chamber, Wrestlemania, Extreme Rules, Over the Limit, No Way Out, there was a theme.  Each match featured a significant match with Cena and someone trying to murder defeat him.  This does not differ from most of his matches in concept, but we were dealing with Kane’s attempt to drag him into darkness, the Big Show living up to his “new” contract with the “fat” bonus and, of course, Brock Lesnar’s violent, and highly appreciated, decimation of Doomsday before being overcome by his equally broken opponent.  Again, nothing special about that, except for one thing: John Laurinaitis.

Outside of failed Odd Future philosopher Scorpio “Harold” Sky and the unknown soldier known only as Dr. Shelby (no one can verify that his name is Sam Huntington), there are few out-of-ring talents I immediately appreciated.  The chain-smoker voice, the petrified wood chin, the history as a skateboarder, the past with a porn star, the still head-scratchingly confusing WXO promo, he was a godsend.  He was great.  He had a problem with Cena, just like he did with Punk (foreshadowing) and it showed as Cena became more and more of a nuisance to the executive vice president of talent relations and the general manager of both RAW and SmackDown!  Mr. Excitement, as I’m sure Seka called him during their relationship, had a mission: kill Superman.  And with this Lex Luthor state of mind, Johnny Ace (as I’m not so sure Seka called him during their relationship) sent out enforcer after enforcer to put him out of his misery.  To varying results.  All of them failures, save for Over the Limit, which DID feature a John Laurinaitis victory.  Not that it put much of a dent in Cena’s momentum.

Big Johnny (as I’m sure Seka never called him during their relationship) waged his campaign silently.  Cena was the unstoppable juggernaut and he was throwing everything he could at him, even hairy non-Japanese people.  One of my more unfounded, but wholly comprehensible, conspiracies is that Mr. Skillful and Dangerous (as I’m sure NO ONE has ever called him in any situation) attempted to utilize Eve to a succubus effect on Cena and his plucky cohort Jason Todd.  I mean Zack Ryder.  Both of them died miserably, what’s the difference?

Hmm?  Oh, Ryder is still alive?  You say you knew that?  I didn’t.  He’s irrelevant.

With Laurinaitis’ departure there was a void left in the “Let’s Kill Cena!” leadership, but the movement never faded away; it kind of stayed around like an unpaid bill.  Cena’s ambition towards the WWE Championship, as well as his failed love life with various women of Hispanic descent (and levels of mental stability), crowded his mind state and at the end of the day the Royal Rumble became his goal.  All signs even point to him winning, which is a very reliable indicator as there is only one sign courtesy of unnecessary commentary by pro wrestling/sports entertainment commentators such as ourselves.  We all “knew” Cena was going to win at Wrestlemania as well.  We (most of us) were happily surprised at how wrong we were too. 

People are clamoring for Rock and Cena Part 2 now, and the loudest person calling for this match, even without calling for it at all, is Cena.  Yes, Cena.  In an interesting inverse to Punk (more foreshadowing) Cena is still attempting to acquire a level of respect and prestige that he doesn’t feel he has.  Personally I think it just comes across as greed at this point.  Even the best of intentions can be disastrous, if the person doesn’t appreciate what they already have.  The character of Felix Anthony is one of accepted opulence: the children love him and he keeps striving for an achievement he can’t possibly reach because it would be backtracking.

For better or worse, the Prototype is at a level of prestige even he can’t acknowledge.  He’s a multiple time world champion, a Make-A-Wish maven, a money making jam boy, a platinum selling recording artist, a workaholic, loved my millions, the man responsible for more little boys considering homosexuality than any other man in the United States (citation needed), and at that point there is only one thing a person wants: more.

The hunger for more is a very real thing, and it’s not a fleeting disease like with that somewhat lyrical hip hop guy from New York who ran with half a dollar hanging out of his ass.  John Cena can only aspire for more now as he’s at the peak of Mount Everest.  He COULD go the Kurt Angle route, which was lazy at best, and say he’s going to the bottom of the mountain so he can rise to the summit again, but why?  What does that prove?  All it means is that Cena did the same thing twice.  And at this point, he’s done is three times.  Notice how a hat trick is considered the ultimate in a hockey or futbol game. 

And what does Cena really want?  “More” is a basic term.  He wants more prestige.  He wants more gold than a party hosted by Mr. T. and Trinidad James.  He wants women (and I bet I had my hand around a Bella before he did).  He wants the big screen and Hollywood lights.  He’s a horrible hybrid of the two biggest stars of sports entertainment, Hulk Hogan and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, and so long as they have a place in the mainstream Cena will want more.  Again, he’s already at the tip of Everest, but like a European stuntman he seeks greater heights, like perhaps a moving platform that lets him free-fall from the atmosphere to the ground. 

Long and short: John Cena wants to be the immortal face of sports entertainment and professional wrestling, and much like Ric Flair says you have the beat the man to be the man he knows he has to beats his only competition, or himself.  And I don’t know, I just don’t get the notion that Cena is the kind of guy capable of beating himself.  Too infused with steroids, you know?  Very uncomfortable I hear.  Anyway, like I said, his only “competition” is Dwayne Johnson (who lives the life of Cena’s aspirations) and Hulk Hogan (who lives the life of Cena’s worst nightmares).  He doesn’t want to be the king of the mountain; he wants to sour above it.

And that ambition is greedy.  Everybody wants to rule the world (says Tears for Fears) but humility is sacrificed every bit of the way, and the ideals of “hustling” for it fall by the wayside and get warped into greed.  Greed.  Greed.


That’s the word.  When it comes to the Rock, you can argue that he sees in John Cena the same thing he sees in his past self, and the Rock, as a result, has two options: let that continue, or put the upstart down before he gets too uppity, or goes from a Red Sock to a Yankee as CM Punk said once before (I haven’t forgotten about Punk yet, don’t worry).  Think of it like the plight of lions.  See, when a mommy lioness and a daddy lion decide to get together and have little Simbas, Nalas are safe.  Females are safe.  But males are in trouble.  The daddy lion may, in an effort to maintain power, kill and, in some cases, eat the male cub.  Isn’t that special?  The Rock is the latest enforcer in the quest to dethrone John Cena, by the establishment.  However, The Rock has nothing to prove; he’s done his time, paid his dues and kicked plenty of ass along the way.  He had his own Wrestlemania moment doing battle with the face of sports entertainment himself Hulk Hogan.  He’s the one souring.  That’s why he gets the pop he does at this point.

But Cena is hungry.  He’s hungry with no right to be.  In many ways he’s already surpassed the object of his greedy delusions.  And it’s not hard to imagine how clouded your vision gets when your ambitions outweigh your common sense.  Some of us call it writing about professional wrestling or sports entertainment.  I’m enough of an ass to say a lot of you (i.e. – Smith, Smith, ADRIAN, Scooby-Doo) need to calm down, step back and realize that you’re not that great at what you do.  I’m cocky and back it up with humor, wit, shameless attempts at flirting with beautiful celebrities and a keen appreciation for Joseph Ducreux.  After all, I am DA Infamous DiZ, not just Infamous DiZ.  So to all y’all trying to put your shit out:

So Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has the right to say: “Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.”  Cena IS that higher rock, but he’s too blind to see.  Blinded by the light, as it were.  And personally I have a BIG problem with anyone who directly or indirectly insults the good name of Manfred Mann. 

But that takes us to the other end of the scale.  The Rock versus CM Punk.  The man who is breaking in to fight the champion versus the champion who maintains the epic greatness of the late, great Rodney Dangerfield.  That’s not even a full sentence and it spells out the perfection of their conflict.

Hmm, that’s not quite right.  There is no perfection with this match or the concept, but there is validity and comprehension.  CM Punk has come across as a savior of sorts, a messiah figure, who doesn’t seem to give the slightest damn about the people he’s leading to a promised land.  I like to compare him to Moses as portrayed by Seth Macfarlane’s Family Guy.  You know: apprehensive to lead his people to freedom, constantly complaining, likely the father of a number of illegitimate children with red-headed rock stars (we’re not finna talk about what I want to do to Christie Hemme (I apologize to Christie Hemme)), etc. 

Punk plays the anti-hero, not the good guy or the bad guy, but the protagonist to an age old story, transcending history, and the world.  A tale of soul and sword, eternally retold.  He’s the greatest of all time, by many standards and according to a number of critics, but he still plays second fiddle to the likes of John Cena, Dwayne Johnson, and of course John Felix Anthony Cena. 

Let me ask you, “you” being the reader: have you ever been better than someone, and KNOW that you’re better than them, but they achieve what you put your heart and soul into as opposed to you?  The answer is “Yes” because all of us have gone through that.  Some people feel it when they deal with work-related things.  Some with relationships or the lack thereof.  Some do it on forums or following articles or the like; commenters, they’re sometimes called.  Granted, nine times out of ten a commenter doesn’t know shit. 

I don’t know: it irks me from time to time.  What does a number of comments mean when the piece or topic isn’t worth a damn to begin with?  I don’t know; frankly I don’t want to know; it’s an answer I can do without.  So please, miss me with the notion that a lot of comments means something.  Granted, a comment might mean something if it, in and of itself, carries more weight than the piece it is a comment for.  That’s logic talking. 

See what I just did there?  I spoke truth.  Truth is what CM Punk is known for.  He has two things going for him when he gets on the mic now: truth and opinions damn near impossible to argue with.  That’s his appeal.  He backs it up with tremendous in-ring performances and the occasional bit at the commentary table.  I found it to be very nice that he was disappointed whenever the table was destroyed; he questioned whether or not he was at the Spanish announce table.  He also joked (?) about not wearing pants during the third season of NXT, also known as the Divas edition.  You and me both, Punk, you and me both.

By all (citation needed) accounts, CM Punk’s only logical competition as the best all-around character in the WWE is Daniel Bryan, and with that in mind you have to ask the question: WHY doesn’t he get the respect he deserves? 

Well it depends.  In terms of kayfabe: because it’s fuel.  In terms of business: I don’t know.  He won’t sell as much as Superman; Superman will always sell more than John Constantine does, but people can relate to a John Constantine more as they advance as opposed to an alien who, really, isn’t all that remarkable.  Seriously, think about it.  What makes Superman so special?  He’s not on his home planet, that’s all.  Otherwise he’d be another denizen of a destroyed planet, as opposed to the only one left, that they know of.

But that’s CM Punk’s character: striving for respect where he shouldn’t have to.  Seeking to grab a gold ring he should already have a dozen times over.  Where does the Rock come in to this equation?  Simple: he’s another roadblock, another Cena.  Punk has had to overcome opponent after opponent, match after match, clean or dirty, and at the end of the day, he gets nothing but hate.  No respect.  Dwayne Johnson comes back after doing movies only to, and to borrow a word from L.E.W.D. brother Corbin Macklin, abscond back to doing movies after doing a sequence in the WWE.  And he already has a title shot.  More than that, he has a title shot, period.  I have to say: that’s that shit I don’t like.

What does the Rock mean for CM Punk?  He means CM Punk has either:

  • A title to lose to set up Once in a Lifetime, Part 2, or…
  • A milestone to cross that Cena could not.

It seems like a simple fork in the road, but the possibilities are great, what with the Shield, Ryback, Brock Lesnar, Cody Rhodes and his debonair mustache, Damien Sandow and his intellectual greatness, a host of others and of course AJ “I make men cry when I wear actual pants” Lee.  Did I mention Ziggler?  No, I suppose I forgot.  I’ll remember for the future.

At the end of the day, the Rock represents expectation.  Anticipation.  The standard.  The Rock represents today what Hulk Hogan did during his run that culminated with a match with, not surprisingly, The Rock.  It’s not really all that complicated, but it is interesting that the mental aspects of Punk and Cena have been playing out for as long as they have.  The triangle between Punk, Cena and Dwayne Johnson MAY culminate in a triple threat match at Wrestlemania, but as I stated earlier – or should have if I didn’t – it wouldn’t mean much.  Maintaining a feud for a year is hard work, and the feud between Rock and Cena had plenty of low points during the year it took to manifest the actual match, like further polluting New England’s nasty ass waters. 

But what do I know?  I just talk about stuff.  What do YOU think?  And by “What do YOU think?”, I mean what do you want to add to the conversation? 

Popcorn Wrestling and their Addicts…NO!

Once you clean your desk and computer of VOMIT then please read this post!
Once you clean your desk and computer of VOMIT then please read this post!

When most people choose to eat popcorn, they eat it as a snack.  I’m not sure many people sit down at the dinner table and prepare a steaming plate of popcorn as their choice meal for the evening.  Also, many people don’t sit down at a restaurant and ask, “I didn’t see the price for the Popcorn Meal on the menu. I was hoping you could locate that for me!” If you meet a person that does either of these things, back away slowly, and run in the opposite direction as swiftly as possible.

This is the same mentality I take with TNA Addicts because they devour Popcorn Wrestling every week on TNA iMPACT.  Total Non-Stop Anticipation is responsible for more ADHD outburst than a fireworks and laser/lights show in a room with tear away walls…wait…that IS the iMPACT Zone…

The Popcorn Wrestling that I’m referring to is the idea that a company can have a product that has a number of pop-up moments that are exhaled by the ADHD (IWC) wrestling fan base. Ultimately these Popcorn moments do not lead to anything.

After last night’s (1-17-13) episode of TNA iMPACT, I realized something very important.  I am not conditioned to watch TNA due to my heightened level of analysis! TNA Addicts watch iMPACT in an episodic manner.  They can celebrate every episode because that’s all they are looking for, a weekly fix.

I, along with many other members of the L.E.W.D. Crew, analyse the product for the value that it brings and the value that it provides for both the past and future product.  Unfortunately, TNA does not present a product that is promising for either the past, present, or future.

SO…Last night, the wedding of Bully/Buh-Buh/Mark (he was referred to as all three last night) Ray and Brooke Hogan was to take place. The wedding went as a wedding is supposed to until it was time for the presiding official to declare them husband and wife. Tazz then proceeded to interrupt them with two points: 1. Nonsensical babbling about whether or not Bully Ray wanted to do this. 2. “Is it just me, or is it hot in here?” Then he removes his tux jacket to reveal that he was wearing an Aces & Eights vest…

This is where the separation between me and the TNA Addicts comes in.  Beyond the fact that it provided a “Moment” that will be talked about in the collective basements of the 40 Addicts convulsing from their overdose of Anticipation, what good came from last night? (I’ll wait……………………………………………………….)

Let’s look at this in the three categories of time.

The Past:

The biggest issue I have with this is that TNA and their Addicts have boasted about how their product is “Cutting Edge,” “Not the WWE” and “Pro Wrestling”…Now maybe I am just…NO!! For almost a month now, the show has been closed out with the “Worst GM in Wrestling” “The Infamous” Hulk Hogan, his ravaged daughter/”Knockout’s GM” Brooke, a suspended talent/”Best heel in the business” Bully/Buh-Buh/Mark Ray (Whom is now a face…), and a band of biker men that don’t have contracts or personalities but can cause chaos for the sake of chaos given that we still don’t know their motives.  Pro Wrestling right?

The most recent episodes have featured the TNA Champion Jeff Hardy (carrying 2 belts) in the opening segments and maybe having a match preceding the dramatic close not involving said championship,  thus making the main event the aforementioned debauchery!

Maybe I’m wrong…NO!!! That is Sports Entertainment be definition!

The Present:

A moment…That’s all it was. (Thanks Da Infamous DiZ)

Tazz took off a jacket, became a public member of Aces & Eights, and this provided a brief moment of WTF.  But as my good friend Mr. Quinn Gammon stated, there are 2 types of WTF’s. One is the expression of Shock and Awe, and the other is the expression of confusion and distaste.  The problem with this “Moment” is that the percentages for the WTF had to be 40%/60%. This would mean that more than half of your live studio audience was confused as to what was going on, and why is the announcer guy joining the other team.

Mr. Ashley Morris brought up a great point as well in a conversation that Tazz is the “Human Suplex Machine” only to those who knew of him in his ECW days. He had a very short (unmemorable) stint as a wrestler in the WWE, so to the vast majority/casual fan, Tazz is no more than the announcer guy, and given that you can’t hear the announcers during a live recording, most of the Addicts in the arena, whom are regulars, will not be familiar to Tazz’s contribution to the product, therefore causing confusion as to why it is important for him to go to the “other side”.

The Future:

Not much of one with this story…

What happens now? What value does the A’s & 8’s get with the addition of Tazz? They already have sponsored segments on the show anyways.  They already have infinite access to the arena. If they can just learn how to wrestle in matches, they may actually make an impa…NO!!! They simply do not matter! We still do not know why they exist. Every other Hostile Takeover that has happened has had an immediately stated motive as to why they do what they do…except this one! That is not innovative or groundbreaking, that’s just STUPID!!!

Popcorn Wrestling is just something that I can not get into simply because I look at wrestling to be thorough entertainment.  There is a big difference between whimsical and nonsensical. I will watch (and sometimes enjoy) the whimsical over the nonsensical any day.  Don’t get me wrong, I love some good old-fashioned wrasslin’, but I like to deal with organization that don’t have an ongoing identity crisis!

What do you think?

Rt. Rev. Showtime