It's Still Real to Me, Dammit!

Analysis

Protect The Business

I was sucked into Paul Heyman’s interaction with John Cena… until Cena started talking about ‘popping’ people. My brain instantly processed that was insider terminology, best used by the IWC or dirtsheet writers or former talents pushing podcasts. On The Steve Austin show, he often says his lines were getting cut from tv, because he was ‘popping the truck’. To explain… WWE wasn’t interested in getting Stone Cold over as a cool, funny guy. They would cut his lines to keep the lines from being blurred and a heel got over as a cool heel. In my opinion, WWE needs to stop having talents using such terminology on TV. Protect the gotdamn biness.

I’m tired of WWE using ‘John Cena is popular with the kids and troops’ as the excuse for lack of creativity and stagnation with his character failing to adapt. That’s also something exposing the business. In one fell swoop, they’re telling us “You investing money in the merchandise for this character keeps us from tweaking it even slightly”. Character development is essential to the growth of your business, especially when it is ongoing and episodic in nature. It’s not good for business when your most marketable character is polarizing. Half the audience hates him. Half the audience loves him. You look at guys on Cena’s level, like Steve Austin, The Rock and Hulk Hogan… once they found that character, you always gonna have haters, but the majority of the audience loved those characters. Steve Austin brought an attitude that encapsulated the attitude era. Then he added comedic bits. The Rock could make an audience chant things whether he was heel or face. Hulk Hogan was beloved for many years as a face, then he was loved as a heel. Then loved some more as a babyface.

It’s WWE’s own fault that they’re so thin on marketable name talent. They wait too damn long to pull the trigger on making new stars and often go halfway with it. I think it’s funny that when you look at the Total Divas reality show, that’s something else sort of exposing the business. All these documentaries on people exposing how they got into the business and backstage things. The reason the expression ‘protect the business’ exists is the same reason magicians guard the secrets of how their tricks work. No one goes to a magic show knowing that everything they’re seeing is fake and HOW they faked it and leaves, satisfied that they were entertained to the max. Also brings up the old “no one wants to see how a sausage is made”. These days, fans are privy to every creative direction. Scripts are leaked. I once saw someone tweet @WWE: “Stop letting your plans leak so we’re not surprised!” and I’m POSITIVE that person is on every dirt sheet trying to find out the spoilers.

I have had to stop reading the SmackDown spoilers because they were taking away my enjoyment of the show. Nowadays, the ‘boys’ and too many people exist backstage that don’t seem to care about how the more the fans are let in on the tricks of the trade, the more unsatisfied they are with the performances. Imagine if every time Stone Cold drove a vehicle into the arena and wreaked havoc we all knew ahead of time. Not the same. Wrasslin gets a hell of a lot more exciting if we watched it having no idea that someone is returning that night. If we didn’t know that two guys are slated to fight two or three pay per views into the future.


Return of Kayfabe

In case you are somehow reading this and not knowing what ‘kayfabe’ is: Kayfabe is a word used to describe how wrasslin is fake. And back in the day, they would never ‘break kayfabe’ which essentially means they wouldn’t do things to let you know what you’re watching is some ol bullshit. If you listen to podcasts like ‘The Steve Austin Show’ you’ll hear him use the phrase ‘protect the business’. I think the business does need to protect itself and give up on trying to be multimedia and just do what it does best.

The business is exposed by little things like Dolph Ziggler tweeting under the handle “Heel Ziggler” and even though he is a fucking babyface (and not a very good one) he is STILL “Heel Ziggler”. He has worn the word ‘heel’ on his ass as he worked. This is breaking kayfabe. This is a reminder that you’re watching some fake shit. Let me explain why this MATTERS: In rap, we know that ‘Rick Ross’ stole his name from an actual gangster. That he is no drug kingpin like he raps about, but used to be a correctional officer. However, talking about that doesn’t sell one record. Him reminding us all the time the life he raps about is fake… isn’t best for business. When you watch a movie… you know that these characters are actors and actresses, that more often than not, the bigger their name is, the more money the film is likely to draw. And a movie is only good if you are able to suspend your disbelief and get sucked into the performance and the story being told.

How can I get sucked into the story when they’re jerking me back into reality… BY PLUGGING THE WWE NETWORK DURING PROMOS!?! The best salesmen in the world will work you so good that you’ll go home and feel GOOD that you went in to get one thing and left with something else altogether, most likely far more expensive. You go in knowing you will be sold a bill of goods and yet… still get GOT. Vince and them have forgotten this important rule of entertainment.

Speaking of the WWE Network, watching The Monday Night Wars makes me acutely aware that Vince is repeating the SAME exact mistakes he made when the business was down in the 90s, having these cartoonish, goofy, colorful gimmicks. On RAW, Heath Slater got WORKED by a fucking bunny. If WWE had competition now as they did then, that competition would just go more ‘realistic’ and kill them in the ratings because a lot of the things they’re doing break kayfabe. Like the many times they come up with intentionally bad segments and bury them by telling us how bad they are.

I was hanging with one of my exes Monday night and had to talk her into ‘letting’ me watch wrasslin. Because she thinks it’s stupid. I could stop right there but I need to point out that the only times she cared or commented about anything was when the Bellas, Stephanie, AJ and Paige came out. Which told ME that’s the only program in the fucking company drawing a dime. The so called piss breaks are the only thing popping anyone. Then… of course she thought Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns were attractive. And “Oh that’s John Cena.” LMAO

A lot of people are complaining that AJ/Paige is NO Stratus/James. Because they’re not. It’s similar but slightly different. More people are complaining that the sibling rivalry is being overdone and the acting is terrible. And the acting IS terrible. AND IT’S STILL THE BEST PROGRAM GOING IN THE COMPANY AT THE MOMENT! WWE has nothing for anyone else, so… let’s invite Michael Sam to TOTALLY not talk about how being gay is why he was drafted so late and may or may not get signed before the season on a practice squad.

Because the kayfabe is struggling let’s break kayfabe and dedicate TV time to real life struggle.


Return of Kayfabe

In case you are somehow reading this and not knowing what ‘kayfabe’ is: Kayfabe is a word used to describe how wrasslin is fake. And back in the day, they would never ‘break kayfabe’ which essentially means they wouldn’t do things to let you know what you’re watching is some ol bullshit. If you listen to podcasts like ‘The Steve Austin Show’ you’ll hear him use the phrase ‘protect the business’. I think the business does need to protect itself and give up on trying to be multimedia and just do what it does best.

The business is exposed by little things like Dolph Ziggler tweeting under the handle “Heel Ziggler” and even though he is a fucking babyface (and not a very good one) he is STILL “Heel Ziggler”. He has worn the word ‘heel’ on his ass as he worked. This is breaking kayfabe. This is a reminder that you’re watching some fake shit. Let me explain why this MATTERS: In rap, we know that ‘Rick Ross’ stole his name from an actual gangster. That he is no drug kingpin like he raps about, but used to be a correctional officer. However, talking about that doesn’t sell one record. Him reminding us all the time the life he raps about is fake… isn’t best for business. When you watch a movie… you know that these characters are actors and actresses, that more often than not, the bigger their name is, the more money the film is likely to draw. And a movie is only good if you are able to suspend your disbelief and get sucked into the performance and the story being told.

How can I get sucked into the story when they’re jerking me back into reality… BY PLUGGING THE WWE NETWORK DURING PROMOS!?! The best salesmen in the world will work you so good that you’ll go home and feel GOOD that you went in to get one thing and left with something else altogether, most likely far more expensive. You go in knowing you will be sold a bill of goods and yet… still get GOT. Vince and them have forgotten this important rule of entertainment.

Speaking of the WWE Network, watching The Monday Night Wars makes me acutely aware that Vince is repeating the SAME exact mistakes he made when the business was down in the 90s, having these cartoonish, goofy, colorful gimmicks. On RAW, Heath Slater got WORKED by a fucking bunny. If WWE had competition now as they did then, that competition would just go more ‘realistic’ and kill them in the ratings because a lot of the things they’re doing break kayfabe. Like the many times they come up with intentionally bad segments and bury them by telling us how bad they are.

I was hanging with one of my exes Monday night and had to talk her into ‘letting’ me watch wrasslin. Because she thinks it’s stupid. I could stop right there but I need to point out that the only times she cared or commented about anything was when the Bellas, Stephanie, AJ and Paige came out. Which told ME that’s the only program in the fucking company drawing a dime. The so called piss breaks are the only thing popping anyone. Then… of course she thought Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns were attractive. And “Oh that’s John Cena.” LMAO

A lot of people are complaining that AJ/Paige is NO Stratus/James. Because they’re not. It’s similar but slightly different. More people are complaining that the sibling rivalry is being overdone and the acting is terrible. And the acting IS terrible. AND IT’S STILL THE BEST PROGRAM GOING IN THE COMPANY AT THE MOMENT! WWE has nothing for anyone else, so… let’s invite Michael Sam to TOTALLY not talk about how being gay is why he was drafted so late and may or may not get signed before the season on a practice squad.

Because the kayfabe is struggling let’s break kayfabe and dedicate TV time to real life struggle.


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