RAW Review 5-7-12, a.k.a. “Skillful and Dangerous”

The month of May appears to be the most uneventful set of days for pro wrestling fans.  With two wrestling Pay Per Views coming up in the next two weeks (TNA’s aptly named Sacrifice on Mother’s Day, May 13, and the WWE’s Over the Limit on May 20, the feast of St. Bernadine of Siena…), I have the sensation to yawn every time I see a show leading up to either event.

If it’s one thing that I know and espouse ever chance I get it’s that the “business” is cyclical, meaning that there will be just as many valleys as there are peaks.  There will always be highs and lows, and last night’s RAW was definitely nothing to bring back down to the Israelites (the Rt. Rev. and Mr. Gammon will catch that reference).

The show lacked sizzle; it felt about as regular as tighty-whities.  Nothing extraordinary happened and there’s really not much to go on about.  John Cena did his best impersonation of The Rock…via satellite…and CM Punk lost a handicap match against Lord Tensai and Daniel Bryan.

Other than that, you could’ve easily mistaken the entire show as a two-hour listening session of John Laurinaitis reading The Mayor of Casterbridge.

Nevertheless, here are a few of the noteworthy things from the episode that stuck out to me:

• Johnny Ace…HILARIOUS…??? Whut da hayl?!?!
• Stable Warfare in the WWE, now with MORE Mason Ryan!
• Mr. Ashley Morris wins the Divas IMPACT MOMENT of the Night Trophy
• Oh Yeah, Paul Heyman came back.

The opening segment of the show featured John Laurinaitis going into a tirade against all the injustices that have been flung at him in the past few weeks.  I honestly laughed the entire time he was on the mic.

I especially guffawed when the man referred to himself as being “skillful and dangerous” (hence the title of this review).  The laugh riot ensued when CM Punk joined the fracas and added his two cents, at one point highlighting the fact that the Ace Crusher “has no friends.”  I don’t know why I found that one statement particularly funny, but it was.

THEN the Funkster had the audacity, the unmitigated gall to threaten CM Punk, telling the WWE Champion that if he were not careful, he would “pummel” him.

I’m not sure about other fans, but this was the most entertaining John Laurinaitis has ever been on WWE television.  The sad thing is that I’m very sure that all parties involved were being very serious…

Whatever the case may be, check out DiZ’s last piece on Johnny Ace’s character development; it’s definitely worth the read.

Tag team wrestling is making a comeback in 2012, and while it’s easy to get into debates on which promotion has the “best” tag team division, it can not be denied that at least some importance is being given back to what was a dying institution within pro wrestling.

For weeks Abraham Washington (a.k.a. A Double-Ewe) has been vying for the attention of the former tag team champions The Colons and their dame de la noche, Rosa Mendes.  It’s funny how they didn’t need the man until after they lost the titles.

Now with Kofi and Truth on the rise as a team, the Colons and friend have opted to utilize AW’s services, which includes forcing them to watch tag team matches as opposed to placing them in actual tag matches.  At least now they’re actually featured on television.

An interesting turn of events occurred last night, however, when Mason Ryan appeared and stood with the unlikely cadre of individuals backstage.  To quote Greg Helms, “wassupwitdat??!?!”

While I’m not exactly thrilled at the prospect of seeing Batista 7 toss more hapless victims into the crowd, I am intrigued by what appears to be the formation of a stable.  Vickie Guerrero, for the past few years, has excelled at creating groups of stars intent on dominating the WWE.  As of late, however, Swagger and Ziggler have not proven themselves to be worthy long term investments.

AW could spell trouble for Eddie’s widow in this sense, and it would be cool to see what would happen if and when these two forces collide…especially if the WWE decides to keep Bragging Rights now that the brand split is…non-existent.

Last night I was engaged in an in-depth Skype conversation with the Rt. Rev. Showtime and Mr. Quinn Gammon during RAW.  When it was announced that the Divas would be in tag team action, we all took bets on how long the match would actually last.

Mr. Quinn Gammon – 4:00 tops; Rt. Rev. Showtime – Mere seconds.  Mr. Ashley Morris – 1:15 tops.

Our official L.E.W.D. time…1:05.  #ASHWINS

Unfortunately that’s the highlight of the entire one minute, five second match.  That and the fact that Maxine was once again on my television screen.

When CM Punk tweeted a picture of Paul Heyman last night prior to his triumphant return to RAW, I was sure that the WWE Universe would rise up and collectively squeem all over the place.

When Heyman entered the arena, stood in the middle of the ring and introduced himself, three people clapped and started up the weakest ECW chant imaginable.  That made me sad.

Most fans who were kids/teens during the Attitude Era can’t deny the fact that Heyman’s reception last night was a tad bit disappointing, but it shows us all just how much today’s product has changed or evolved.  There’s nothing wrong with this, however, and we can take these lemons and make them into lemonade if we choose to.

Some believe that Lesnar could prosper with a mouthpiece, as his mic skills were never exceptional.  Two weeks later, Paul Heyman shows up as Lesnar’s legal representative, and our prayers have been seemingly answered.

But unfortunately all signs point to an epic battle between Lesnar and Triple H, who is apparently this generation’s Hulk Hogan in regards to his ability to create glory for himself; either that or he’s the new Jeff Jarrett.

Whatever the case may be, Heyman’s appearance, reception and segment all fell just as flat as the rest of the episode.  So there you have it…

But those are just my thoughts…what do YOU think?!?!?!

May 8, 2012 | Categories: Analysis, Opinions, Reviews | Tags: AW, Brock Lesnar, John Cena, John Laurinautis, Johnny Ace, Tag Team Champions, Vickie Guerrero, wwe | 6 Comments »