Um… too much. This is busy. This is too damn busy. I’ve literally seen what could have been greatness unravel and now I’m seeing a beautiful mess (minus the beauty) unfold. Something isn’t right. I think there’s a cancer in the WWE and it hasn’t been there for a while, or never, and if it HAS been there then it hasn’t been active for too long. That’s disappointing.
This isn’t going to be a long piece so much as a teary eyed rant, and a eulogy to the RAW Episodes. I’m sorry, loyal readers, but after that bullshit they pulled last night, I’m not too sure I can even continue it. We’ll see, but I’ll put it in an unlocked casket for now. Sadly that’s just the pinnacle of RAW right now.
If we jump over to SmackDown!, we’re… well, it’s bad, people. To quote George Carlin, “It’s bad for ya.” I’ll put it in simple terms: if you wanna slowly kill off your mind, do it expeditiously. Listen to Joe Clark.
On RAW, after weeks of seeing a brilliant story unfold with John Cena and a edgy new position, everything went on a bullet train to the deepest pits of Super Hell (because regular Hell is too divine for this nonsense) we have him defeat Kane in a generic fashion at the – until that point – good PPV by doing the F.U. (might as well call it that; he said that to US with that finish…) and putting Kane in the ambulance. Next night, we start with Eve making a “heel turn” and revealing herself to be a woman of ill repute. This was stupid, and its STILL stupid, but even I admit that it COULD have worked IF and ONLY if John Cena hadn’t walked up to her as she was OPENLY REVEALING HER DASTARDLY PLANS!
OH MY GOD, are the writers THIS thick?! Do we REALLY have to steal horrible plot lines from Tommy Wiseau’s masterful disgrace of a film?! Oh, you don’t know Tommy Wiseau? You will now! You gon’ learn today! This is the curse of of me being mad!
So there goes a nice set-up. Thank you, monkeys that write this nonsense. You’ve single-handedly dismantled my brilliance and faith in you. And you think that that would be bad enough. But then you have the nerve to have Cena come out later and deliver a crap promo that makes him sound mad at Dwayne Johnson because he never called (or even looked at him when the Rock was laying the smackdown on his ass (giggity)). Am I watching sports entertainment or the violent Days of Our Lives? Apparently I’m watching the chronicles of whining musicians.
No, I’m not even talking about THAT, not yet, but give it time. I’m getting there. I’m mad as hell. Let me get this Cena thing out of the way first. What I’m gleaning from Cena’s stupid rant is that he’s mad that the Rock is getting so much of a pop for his returns while Cena, who works like a government mule (I take it this donkey has a good dental plan) does not. Let me quote a great man – me – when I say this:
“Look here, Adrian, I don’t give a damn if you did your job! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO YOUR JOB! IT’S YOUR JOB! What you want, bitch, a cookie?!”
And yes, that WAS a real Adrian who wanted me to praise him for going to work for a full week. I don’t care! Point is Cena wants more respect for doing exactly what he’s paid to do. The Rock done did it already, and he’s technically semi-retired as far as I’m concerned. Why the hell should we be mad because that man’s moved on to bigger and better things. It’s not the Rock’s fault John Cena’s movies are bullshit. It’s not the Rock’s fault John Cena’s album was booty. It’s not the Rock’s fault that a lot of people in this country do NOT LIKE John Cena. That’s Cena’s fault! We’ve grown complacent, there, I said it, we don’t give two shits about… scratch that, we don’t give one and a quarter shits about John Cena because he was a boy scout years ago and he’s a boy scout now. And to avoid further anger, I will NOT make a joke here.
I’ll say this though… pray and be prepared.
But since we’re talking about singers, let’s talk about this weird new Twitter war between CM Punk and Chris Brown. For now let’s avoid the woman beating jokes/references/accusatory remarks of brain damage on the part of that Barbados beauty and just focus on how stupid this all is. I don’t know who started what, if this is a work, or if controversy is just on the radar for the PG Era and we’re going into shit-less PG-13-ness, but it’s still royally stupid. As someone said earlier in a Tweet I had to shed tears over: “Why do I feel like Russo is involved in this shit…?”
I don’t know; I’m just a storyteller that pisses on bad storytelling. Cena remaining exactly the same and whining like an angry girlfriend (I swear he was just sad that Rock didn’t let him five knuckle shuffle) while Eve is now a bitch = bad storytelling. CM Punk and Chris Brown warring over twitter over nonsense = bad storytelling.
You’re BEST storyline being the war between your two general managers?! ABYSMAL STORYTELLING! Look, I wanna see Teddy Long kick someone’s ass as much as the next guy… hmm? Oh, you DON’T want to see Teddy Long kick someone’s ass? Well I do, and I want to see Johnny Ace bust out the Ace Crusher. I am NOT amused that both GMs are pushing for their rival show’s top champions and I’m even LESS amused that the WWE and World Heavyweight champions are being used as pawns in this story. Indirect pawns is one thing. Direct pawns is something else entirely!
And why the fuck are Mr. Jennifer Hudson and Ricky Atlas STILL fighting?!
You remember that show Time Squad? They explained in an early episode why the past messed up as time went forward. I see this happening here almost, but the rope is unraveling at both ends. After the past has failed, more rope is being created, but poorly constructed. Therefore it starts to fall apart before it even gets used.
And that’s me and my mini-rant. Everything falling down at once is total overload, and my stomach, head, left foot, ring fingers and thighs are in aching pain as I write this. I hope there is SOME kind of redemption in the coming weeks. At the end of the day, however, I have to live by my own mantra:
“No matter what you believe in, no matter what someone says, at the end of the day you’re restricted by your own expectations.”
Silly me. I expected there to be improvement…