I hate wrasslin fans. I hate the dumb ones. I hate the smart ones. I hate all of us equally. Because we all want different things for different reasons and most of the things we want defy all logic. At the end of the day, the wrasslin is supposed to tell a story.
The idea for this came to me when I realized that GOOD wrasslin booking is applicable to every great story EVER told. I’m reading a manga called Akame ga Kiru. Guessing that translates to “Akame The Killer”. The titular character, Akame, does not appear much where I am in the story. There is a character named Tatsumi who seems to be the central character. And then there is the villainous General Edsese. She is overpowered as shit. She has the ability to use ice to freeze things and as a blunt object. Akame just appears to be someone who is really good with a sword. She does not appear to have the power necessary to defeat Edsese. Just like Roman Reigns “isn’t ready” to beat Brock Lesnar.
I’m both writing this to tell you why all of you people (especially you, Quinn) are morons for wanting Brock Lesnar to retain the title AND to make a larger point about what so many people don’t understand about fucking storytelling and what makes one compelling. Because we all know wrestling is scripted and Roman has been pencilled into this moment for the last two years, many reject WWE’s plan because “it is forced”. But if we didn’t know what a work was, if we thought it was a shoot, Roman is the underdog who can’t beat Brock Lesnar according to everyone who has spoken on the subject. Brock Lesnar’s presence is overpowering. His resume is unmatched. Roman has no business winning. And he will. Because otherwise… this is the same thing as the circle jerk that was the Bellas storyline from last year. Pointless.
At WrassleMania 3, Hulk Hogan beat Andre The Giant. This is brought up as such an important moment in wrasslin history so often because Andre was undefeated for his entire career. You would not need to be a mark to think Hogan had no chance in hell. Andre was allegedly 7’5, 500 lbs. What no one ever brings up about why Hogan slamming Andre is so important: NO ONE HAD EVER DONE IT BEFORE. People slam The Big Show all the fucking time. And people beat The Big Show with regularity. So Roman Reigns beating up Show impressed no one. That and… Hogan slammed Andre and beat him damn near 30 years ago. Wrasslin fans are almost impossible to impress nowadays because we have seen everything. There was no internationally known wrestling superstar before Hulk Hogan, not on that level. And since then there have only been Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock and John Cena. Roman Reigns can’t lace their boots. And THAT is compelling to me, that the beginning of his ascension to the top is him proving he belongs.
Last year all of you pissed me off with your obsession with Daniel Bryan being champion. It was like you didn’t understand that the genesis of The Authority was a heel turn. It was like you had forgotten Daniel Bryan had pinned The Big Show and then teased him about how short his title reign was. It was like you had forgotten that when Sheamus beat him in seconds at Mania 28, it was symmetrical and karmic. It was like you had forgotten that he is one of only a few men who can say he pinned John Cena clean in the middle. It was like you couldn’t comprehend him losing the title and being repeatedly screwed out of the title wasn’t a burial, it was building his sympathy as an underdog babyface that had everything but the fans against him. It was like you had forgotten that authority figures have done the. same. exact. SHIT to Hulk Hogan, Steve Austin, The Rock and John Cena before him.
So… you all bitched and pissed and moaned about WWE not giving him ‘a moment’ or ‘a push’ as though that entire paragraph preceding this one wasn’t moments and pushes. You booed Batista winning the Rumble that you cheered his return for, knowing he returned TO win that match AND the main event at Mania. You cheered for Roman Reigns to upset him, knowing full well that shit wasn’t going to happen. You knew then that Roman would most likely win this year’s Rumble and the main event of Mania and be pushed as the new face of the company. You cried some more like the little bitches that you are when Daniel Bryan got eliminated, KNOWING he wasn’t going to win anyway. You shitted on Roman’s moment and have rooted for him to fail ever since, BECAUSE yall some ole dumb ass bitches. You, for some god forsaken reason hope to see Daniel Bryan beat Brock Lesnar. I REALLY don’t understand why you want to see that. You were given a reprieve by Daniel’s neck injury, because that asswhipping Cena took at SummerSlam was intended for Bryan. And that’s what should happen to him pretty much anytime he runs up against the likes of Brock Lesnar. You don’t seem to understand that Bryan and Reigns had such a good match against each other at Fast Lane that they WILL do it again in the future. That Bryan will win the world title again. You bitches cry like you didn’t JUST get Bryan beating three members of Evolution in two matches in one night LAST year. That… again… he had so many great moments LAST year. Why do you begrudge Roman having HIS moment this year?
You people do realize that your faves, Dolph Ziggler and Daniel Bryan suck at promos in real life, no? Yall realize Bray Wyatt and Dean Ambrose ain’t the best wrestlers in the world, right? You DO realize that the aforementioned Mount Rushmore of wrestling top guys weren’t the best wrestlers OR promos right? Saying Roman “isn’t ready” because of time in the promotion is irrelevant because Brock Lesnar ironically enough, had much less? Yall really should shut the fuck up when yall talk to me. Now that that rant is out of my system, back to storytelling and why Roman winning is best for business.
When The Shield debuted, Roman was powerbombing every major star in the territory. Some (like Quinn) would say that Roman was more ready THEN for this push than he is now. Ya’ll niggas would still be crying now if he did, doe. I wrote here many times, Roman got ZERO character development after the group broke up. He still has the group’s entrance, the theme, and the ring gear. He has not appeared to grow or change in the last year. That’s to your point that he is not ready for prime time. His BIGGEST problem is the one HE is the solution to: he had no real competition. When Roman debuted, Ryback was hot. The Rock was around. He powerbombed The Undertaker through the announce table. He was a part of beating up Cena, Bryan, Orton, and Sheamus. His two singles feuds worth a damn… was Orton again, and Bryan. Ryback cooled off then realigned. Sheamus got hurt. He can’t feud with Cena because that confrontation should be the current face of the company versus the old one… in the main event of WrassleMania. WWE is in desperate need of new main event stars. Over the last year, guys like Bray Wyatt, Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and Rusev have been pushed to that level. And they are not ready for it… because every year at WrassleMania the guys being called on to carry Raw, SmackDown and 11 odd PPVs a year take a backseat to a bunch of old dudes LIKE Brock Lesnar, The Undertaker, HHH, Sting, The Rock etc. Now Roman is half of the main event of Mania, signaling the birth of a new era. And YOU motherfuckers want more of the same old shit YOU complain WWE shovels into your mealy mouths.
You see, when Roman wins that title, press play on Seth Rollins cashing in on him and joining him in the club. Roman Reigns will be the 45th champion in WWE history. Seth Rollins will be 46. At some point in the next 5-10 years provided motherfuckers stay healthy and off drugs and whatnot… guys like Cesaro, Wyatt, Rusev, Ambrose and Kevin Owens will join them. They will carry Mania cards and WWE can do A special attraction match as opposed to building the whole fucking top of the card around guys who do not regularly appear on their programming. Roman will be a vulnerable champion who will have to have to constantly prove himself against everyone I’ve named in this rambling beautiful work of art I have created while being an insomniac. You people who are wrapped up in how he shouldn’t beat Lesnar seem to not understand this is a work and that’s precisely why he WILL.
Brock ended The Streak, demolished the face of the company, then no sold several finishers to TOTALLY get you to forget that has lost to Cena and HHH. He’s beatable. Believe that. LOL That’s the only story that makes sense and sets up a certain future where new main eventers get made. Or, do you niggas wanna go ahead and admit you really love the bullshit you be complaining about now?