I’m starting at this backstage segment where HHH is with Kane and Big Show saying nothing but ‘solutions’ as the two big men argue and now another rambling promo by Bray Wyatt followed by a locker-room convo between the Rhodes family. Not a good idea to have three straight non wrestling segments on your wrestling show in which they go to commercial at 7:41 PM CST and there has been ONE wrestling match.
Raw started with a good talking segment where Cena tried to sell the notion that he has never been up against anything like Rusev. This would be effective if he didn’t say that about everyone he faces. Bray Wyatt. Brock Lesnar. Rusev. Never seen anything like them before. I guess.
Anyway… Raw comes back from commercial with The New Day in the ring about to face The Dust Brothers… if that’s what we’re calling them. The New Day aren’t getting over because their gimmick is outdated. It’s not even coonish dancing and smiling, Xavier Woods actually said out his mouth on a live mic “we don’t give into the rage and fuck shit up we just keep smiling” and that white meat babyface shit doesn’t play in 2015. The same way I’m not writing about the wrestling… the commentators are not acknowledging SHIT that’s going on in the ring which is having the side effect of me not giving a fuck about anything happening in the ring. The New Day won and there were 20 people chanting New Day with scattered boos. Stardust hits the Cross Rhodes on his bro. Damn.
Now we cut to Roman Reigns in the locker-room. Where they again point out that ‘Reigns was manipulated’ into fighting over his Mania title shot. This is a strong segment from Roman. I wonder if it was pre-taped.
Daniel Bryan comes out and the mediocre crowd comes alive! Yes! Yes! Yes! I was thinking to myself, as we go to commercial again, crowds are probably dead on tv so often because they’re too busy tweeting on their phones instead of being into the matches. That or they really just don’t give a fuck about the characters or stories.
To backtrack a little, Dean Ambrose had an ok match against Luke Harper in what is the first of two wrestling matches in the first hour of a three hour show. There was a talking segment that ended in Rusev being laid out in a reverse of what happened last week, hella backstage joints and two matches. Those matches prolly were 15-20 and 5 minutes.
We come back to Cody Rhodes telling his dad that Cody Rhodes and his father are dead. Now a recap of Bryan kicking Reigns then Reigns poached the finish of the match then spearing him. Now a recap of the tag team turmoil they won together, and out comes the new face of WWE and the last face you see in the Raw intro. I’m really looking forward to seeing what WWE does with the booking of Bryan and Reigns’ match.
Bryan is on commentary reacting to the shit Roman talked about him and Cole instigating like a motherfucker! Kane comes out and he and Reigns are fighting with Cole only announcing a pin attempt and kick out. Bryan starts a Yes! chant to distract Reigns and give Kane an advantage. This makes me happy because maybe, just maybe WWE won’t jump the gun and turn Roman. Bryan is doing a great job making his match with Roman seem more personal. This being the go home episode of Raw, that’s good shit. Roman and Kane are having a physical match. Kane fed a come back and Roman fires up with some offense before getting booted out the ring as Bryan leads more Yes! chants. Roman spears Kane then wins by countout because Kane was trying to put him through the announce table and he got caught slippin. Now Bryan is hopping around the ring celebrating like he did something while Reigns stares a hole in his ass. That was an effective segment. Now Reigns is smiling at the gamesmanship.
I like Sting’s new theme, which they keep playing whenever they bring up HHH responding to Sting. Which is kind of a waste of a segment to me. Last week was a waste of a segment too because what that shit boiled down to was HHH calling Sting out to announce he was gonna show up for a ‘confrontation’ at Fast Lane. I guess they just don’t want us to forget they’re trying to build another feud between two limited performers. Some say this will be Sting’s first and only match in WWE.
We come back from commercial with Bryan talking shit about Roman backstage. Then Wyatt says more words that don’t make sense. Then the Bella Twins steal Paige’s clothes so she’ll have to wrestle naked, to give Cameron an opportunity to say ‘Girl Bye’. Then the whatever Express that roll with Adam Rose are there, signaling that after ANOTHER commercial, Paige will be dressed in the clothing of extras. Anything can happen in World Wrestling Entertainment.
Halfway through Raw at 8:21 PM CST, we come back with Summer Rae in the ring awaiting my pale bae, Paige, who is about to squash her. (sets down my device) The PTO was applied and the match ended by tapout at 8:26. Out come the Bellas. They talk shit, then Paige is blown up talking about winning the championship. Cut to Seth Rollins backstage and we go to commercial AGAIN. WWE sure raking in the sponsorship moneys boiiiiiiiiii! It’s 8:30 and I have maybe seen 40 minutes of wrestling.
We come back to a Sheamus video package and then the arrival of the best wrestler in the world, Seth Rollins. I really hope his dick pics being tweeted out don’t cost him winning the world title this year. I’m not liking his promo but he’s getting heat so I guess. Now he’s telling the truth about being the most talented, valuable performer in the company and now saying random things that have nothing to do with anything before talking about wanting to cash in the briefcase. Then he starts talking about Ziggler who of course comes out for their match with a mic cracking jokes. Good line from Rollins saying Ziggler’s career is a joke. Ziggler calls him a douche… and it’s weird how they’re supposed to be having a match but they’re standing there… talking. It’s 8:39 and they’re fighting but the match hasn’t started and we go right back to commercial. These commercial breaks just might be what kills the live crowd and tv audience’s interest. So far, this has been a good episode of Raw, in my book.
We come back from commercial with the match underway as they show us exclusive WWE App footage which is no longer exclusive to the app since you showed 3-4 million people on the USA network. The ref sends off J&J Security and so far this is not the best I’ve seen between two men I’ve seen have great matches recently. This pace is too slow for these two. Just like that they speed up and there are some near falls and Cole says this is an incredible matchup. Let me take this time to point out that the third man in the announce booth is as extraneous as the third hour of Raw is. Ziggler was gonna beat Rollins with a superkick and Zig Zag and then J&J caused the DQ so Ryback and Rowan could hit the ring and help their former Survivor Series teammate. This makes me realize them being fired together was just a thing to kind of link them together to join up arbitrarily until they drop it out of nowhere. And… commercial again. It’s 8:50 and there has been like 45 minutes of wrestling.
Back from commercial and there will be a Miz TV segment at Fast Lane featuring Paul Heyman. Who will undoubtedly say more things about how neither Reigns or Bryan can beat Brock Lesnar. And I guess now they’re doing the HHH responds to Sting responding to being called out because they’re recapping the last three months in a video package. I don’t really mind WWE video packages even if they show the same one multiple times in a week because video packages are one of WWE’s strengths. HHH is in the ring being serenaded with a ‘We Want Sting’ chant. HHH starts by saying it’s laughable that he’s afraid of Sting, which means this segment will end with the lights going out and HHH jumping out his body. Aw yeah. I forgot Ric Flair was on the show tonight. Which is gonna be Ric putting over that Sting ain’t no hoe. Yep. HHH is cutting a mean promo about how Sting made his name off Ric. WOOOOOOOOOOOOO this is a great segment here. Lmao HHH pushed Flair down and promises Sting will never show his face around here again. Mmm.
John Cena is guest starring on Parks and Recreation tomorrow. I like that show but I’m waiting until it’s on Netflix because certain shows I just don’t care to watch when they air and I’m too poor for DVR and we are back on commercial break.
Darren Young is on TV! I don’t know who his partner is because The Ascension interrupted Lillian Garcia and this won’t take long. MILLIONS OF DOLLARS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS TITUS SAVES HIS ASS! Miz is asking Bad News Barrett to beat up Damien Sandow for him and offering to keep Dean Ambrose away. THIS should be interesting!
I’m going to watch the hell out of The Destruction of The Shield on WWE Network, free for new subscribers in the month of February, $9.99 the rest of the time. Miz is out to watch his personal assistant beat Wade Barrett. It’s 9:23. Now Miz is distracting Mizdow. And Barrett wins. Ambrose attacks Barrett and ties him to the ring post. Makes him sign the Fast Lane contract. So much for Miz helping him. Another weird Wyatt promo. I still think it’s not too late to turn him face and put Rowan and Harper back with him. I think Harper can stand on his own. Rowan has nothing going for him save that he is big. Moar commercials.
Back from commercial, they replay Sheamus’ video package again. The Usos come out for a mixed tag team match between Jimmy Uso and Naomi and Natalya and Tyson Kidd. Why was Cesaro at that couples dinner? Cesaro is so… invisible. Earlier I wondered to myself “who are The Usos feuding with?” and laughed when I realized Cesaro is one of the forgettable workers on the roster. He had so much momentum a year ago. Smh. Naomi and Natalya had a good wrestling exchange. Both of them are underutilized. It occurs to me that may have been the wrestling main event. LOL. Cena hasn’t wrestled. Ahhhhhh Bryan is fighting Big Show. Reigns coming to run Bryan down on commentary. I’m predicting here and now Raw goes off the air with Reigns laid out from the Busaiku knee kick.
Seth Rollins vs Dolph Ziggler with J&J Security banned from ringside is announced for SmackDown. This is stupid seeing as how The Authority are in power and J&J work for them helping Seth Rollins. Reigns isn’t on commentary he’s sitting in a chair. This is a good call, since WWE wants us to think he can’t talk. Good match going on between Big Show and Bryan. Bryan is mostly being dominated but showing superior skill at times… and then Reigns starts signing autographs and taking pictures with his adoring public. Last commercial break.
Big Show is feeding Bryan’s inevitable comeback. Big Show just went and put heat on himself expertly. The crowd was becoming restless because Show’s offense is so deliberate. One loud person was screaming boring and Show was like “you wanna scream boring at me?” And now Reigns is giving away merch. Big Show speared Reigns trying to get Bryan. This sets up the finish: Reigns spears Big Show, Bryan knee kicks Reigns. I don’t like Bryan using the Yes Lock on Big Show, seeing as how his arm is the size of Bryan’s body. Reigns Superman punches Big Show. Bryan hits Reigns with a dropkick off the top rope. OMG they just wrestled… like real wrestling and now they’re brawling and referees hold them back. They shake hands, turn around then rush each other and now they’re brawling through the crowd. I feel like Roman is earning respeck, son.
Raw is over and so is this blog.